Domestic Violence/Teen Dating Violence

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Teen Dating Violence
Warning Signs:
Check the following signs common to abusive and battering personalities. Though the list may not predict with absolute certainty, it is a good place to start.

Jealousy

• Wants to be with you constantly

Quick Involvement

• Pressures you to date him or her

Controlling Behaviors

• Gives orders and expects you to follow them
• Tells you how you should and/or should not dress

Isolation

• Puts down everyone you know, including your family and friends

Blames Others for Problems and Feelings

• Blames you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship
• Is easily insulted
• Blows things out of proportion

Sexual Demands

• Asks you to do things you do not want to do

Verbal Abuse

• Puts you down in front of other friends

Rigid Sex Roles

• Believes males and females must act certain ways and do certain things

History of Battering

• Was violent/abusive to dating partners in previous relationships

Threats of Violence

• Breaks or strikes objects near you in order to frighten you

Force Used During an Argument

• Yells and curses during an argument in order to scare you into agreeing

What to do if you are in an abusive relationship

• Talk to someone who can help you: parent, friend, counselor, or teacher
• Keep a log of the abuse

Leaving an abusive relationship

• End the relationship over the phone where the abuser can not hurt you
• When you are alone, do not let the abuser in, no matter what the abusers says

When the relationship ends

• Just because the violent relationship is over, does not mean the risk of the violence is over
• If you can, tell your parent's what's going on, especially if your ex might come by your home
• If you are in danger, call 911 immediately.

Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence is all about power and control. The Power and Control Wheel was designed by victims of domestic violence who identified the tactics used against them. These tactics are backed up by the threat of physical and sexual violence. We ask you to honestly consider the tactics you use. By owning up, you can start to move towards nonviolent equality in your relationship.

Using Coercion and Threats

• Threatening to leave her
• Threatening to commit suicide

Using Intimidation

• Displaying weapons
• Destroying her property

Using Emotional Abuse

• Putting her down
• Making her feel bad about herself

Using Isolation

• Controlling what she does, who she sees, and who she talks to
• Limiting her outside involvement

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming

• Saying the abuse did not happen
• Saying she caused it

Using Children

• Using visitation to harass her
• Threatening to take the children away

Using Male Privilege

• Treating her like a servant
• Making all the big decisions

Using Economic Abuse

• Preventing her from getting and keeping a job
• Making her ask for money

Effects of Violence on Children
The ideal American home promises the warm embrace of family and safety. But there is an altogether different kind of home on the dark side of the American dream. It is the home of broken dreams called domestic violence. Growing up in a violent home has a devastating effect on children. Children in homes where violence occurs often suffer from physical, emotional, behavioral, and developmental disorders. Physically, children who have witnessed violence may suffer from eating disorders, digestive problems, bed wetting, and insomnia. Emotionally, they may experience depression, anxiety, fear, guilt, low self-esteem, denial, nightmares, self-blame, extreme anger, abusiveness, clinging, and constant whining. Additionally, these children are often re-victimized. Children who witness domestic violence are a risk of being abused 300 times more. Many runaways trying to flee the violence succumb to peer pressure, drug abuse, and promiscuity. Domestic violence knows no gender, economic or social level, race or religion. Domestic violence cost $3-5 billion dollars a year in medical expenses. Domestic violence crimes against adults account for $67 billion in crime per year. Business forfeit another $100 million in lost wages, sick leave, and non-productivity. Domestic violence effects our children, our future, and our communities. It is everyone's business.